Monday realisation

Just realized how far I am lagging behind my peers during our group study today. This is perhaps a sign to me that, I should  work really really hard, and I should just study alone. I also realized how I don’t fit at all in the university community. Not only am I not intellectual enough, I am not open and daring enough to ask for help. No one understands how awful this feels. 

Rather than having a bunch of smart friends, I think I will stick to my small space and my own bubble. This is too much for me to handle. I don’t want to try because I am to cowardy for new experience and my heart can’t take it. For every step that I take forward, I go backwards by another 5 steps. Let me just retreat into my comfort zone. And cry.

Feeling super stressed out and I am screaming internally so no one could hear. Sometimes I really wish I could be a more rational and less emotional person so that I would feel less and perhaps devote more energy to get things done more productively.

There’s so much to work on. Right now, let me just be immune to all that’s coming to me and just get my work done.


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