Life Lessons

Its not long before I posted a post and now here I am, typing another one. I got all the ‘inspiration’ of these post from the friends and family around me AND its all in one day. How great. To cut the long story short, I shall summarise all the lessons I learnt all in 3 different point.

No.1 : Mind your own business.

At home, due to the weak parental system which I detest a lot, I am usually the kid at home that calls the shot. I guess I got this ‘bossy’ nature since young because I really can’t stand it if things are not done properly ( and nope I don’t mean things done my way). Not trying to flaunt or boost about my achievements, but I am usually the one at home that get things done in the more proper and efficient way. Not just at home, in school, I also have rather stable and in the past, ‘outstanding’ achievements. (referring to academic)

I believe that every home should have a system in which things or household chores should be done properly. Also, there should also be a leader at home to ensure that there will be someone to take care of everyone and make the best decision. Sadly, there is no one in my house that has the ability or even the willingness to get things done properly. So in the end, I am usually the one making decisions and you know what, with decision comes responsibility.

Being just a young adult, sometimes, I have to admit, I make bad decisions. And this is when the real shit happens at home. Everyone will start pointing fingers at me when things don’t go as plan. Sounds like a pretty screwed up family isn’t it? I have no idea how things twist and turn but it gets pretty frustrating because every decisions made by every other family member is then somehow related to me?! I didn’t know I had such a great influence at home? I never thought that I had such great influence at home, rather, I thought it was because of the very flaw of human nature. The fear of being responsible for decisions and who am I with all that ability to bear all the shit stirred up by these people?

I rarely say this, but honestly, I had enough. I am going to stop making decisions at home and see how things eventually goes. Even if I get frustrated with the indecisiveness of my family members, even if I had to suppress all the annoyance, I am just going to keep my mouth shut so I don’t have to be responsible for any shit here at home.

Currently, I am thinking of going for a 4 months exchange programme and I can’t wait. While it is not going to be easy, I can get a breather from all of this, at the very least.

No.2: Have NO expectations

For every person that I know, there is some kind of expectations I had of them. For example, for my parents, I expect them to at least support me financially and emotionally until I graduate from school and am able to repay them back. Similarly, for my friends, (Definition of friend: a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.), close friends, I expect them to be there when I need them and to be always honest, and distant hi-bye friend, I expect them to have the basic respect and to be at the very least, genuine in the way they interact with me. And whether we are close or distant friend, I expect people to honour the promise they made. Doesn’t sound like too much, does it?

After today, after so many endless cancellation of promised meetings and outings made me realised this thing that many or almost everyone that I called friends have these priorities and while I very much do not wish to admit, I am never on the list of their priorities. Of course it do hurts to admit the fact, but only when I try to come to terms with reality then can I work on recovery. Whenever outings are being cancelled, it is always because my friends had something more important (such as packing luggages, going for church event etcetcetc how ridiculous can things get right, I know). At their defence, they might argue that I havent been a good friend, that I have never ever been there for them and thus I should not demand anything out of them. To put things straight, what I know is that I, at the very least, made an effort to put all the dates down on my calendar, I at the veryvery tweenyweeny least remember the dates and promises, but you guys didn’t.

What I can learn from this is that, either I am really not a very good friend, or that people these days are just so self-centered and self-obsessed with the pursue of their own happiness leaving no regards for the feelings of others. I reallly wonder what makes them think that their time is worth more than the others and how they actually can take someone elses feelings and everyrhing for granted. I am not going to generalise this across the society that I am living in because it is going to make the future all too dull. So, to conclude, I shall not have any expectation of anyone I know, and the people that I called, friends?

No.3: Work on yourself, Live for yourself and be as self-obsessed as you can.

I got this lesson no.3 after learning from lesson 1 and 2. More often than not, I will always put the needs of others above mine. I am willing to sacrifice, put out my heart and time WHOLEHEARTEDLY for that small bunch of people whom I am close with. This act of always putting others before myself makes me overly drawn into the lifes of others and I hardly ever, truly, live for myself. I do not have a fix identity of myself. I don’t exactly know what I can achieve by myself. It makes me insecure, paranoid and frustrated without the usual bunch of people by my side. I guess these people are the people that I use to mask my insecurities about myself. Slowly and gradually I lose my character and the ability to thrive alone.

To resolve or at least make things better, I need to start finding things that allows me to challenge my limits and helps me break out of my comfort zone. My journey towards self-discovery probably involves a lot of art work viewing, different leadership programmes and also time alone to help me understand how I work best as these are the things I like better. I shall promise myself to work harder, increase my knowledge and interact more so as to maximise and to stretch my potential to the fullest.

To end off, I truly wish that I am able to constantly remind myself of these 3 points and to never stop learning and to never stop the journey towards self-discovery.




How do you calculate the worth of a degree?

5 May 2016 marks the end of 1/4 of my Journey here in NUS.

Like the usual me, I would always feel at a loss after my exams and while I fret over the release of results, I would also think a lot about my future after every major exams. I’m quite sure this rings well with many of the other students who are studying out there. One of the things that I think about most of the time is the worth of my degree.

With many of my friends from secondary school headings to Polytechnics after their Olevels, many of them eventually did not end up in university and instead, went out to work and do the things that they love. While I scroll through my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, looking at how they are able to buy expensive watches, eat at high-end restaurant and go travel to beautiful places using their current pay, it makes me filled with envy and jealousy. I can’t help but start comparing. Being of the same age, my friends are already out there earning their pay while here I am, memorising Freudian’s theory, learning about the different parts of the brain and many other more theories that I am not sure if its even useful. Worst of all, I still had to stretch my hands out to get allowance from my parents (Given that I AM ALREADY 20) and get them to pay  my school fees.

Should I just quit school? I ask myself sometimes.

More often than not, I would question the worth of my degree. How much will I get paid for that degree in Psychology that so many people has? Which company would actually want to hire me with thousands and thousands of Psychology graduate graduating each year? Furthermore, my dream of becoming a clinical psychologist requires a Master degree, and does this renders my Honours Degree worthless?

I thought to myself, “maybe if I started working earlier and gain more experience, I could perhaps earn a decent or even higher pay compare to the me who will graduate in about 2-3 years time”. This then leads me to a thought of “how does my degree actually values add to what I want to do in future”.

And so, I started coming up with reasons to convince myself on why I should continue studying. Given the competitive nature of Singapore and the kiasu mindset of our people, more and more people are now getting a degree to value add to their current academic achievement, it is so common that it is no longer a value add, but rather, a way that most people choose to maximise their chances of being selected for their dream job. Without a degree, its kind of equate to me “losing out” from the start.

Next, I thought about the nature of the job I wanted, a clinical Psychologist. How is it even possible to get to become a psychologist without a decent degree? It makes sense that I have to go through the necessary education because prior to coming to university, being a JC student, I have ZERO knowledge of the brain, not to mention any field of psychology. As I am in the process of convincing myself to stay, I took another look at my friends that are already working. The nature of their job leans towards entreupreneur and media, and I am assuming that these types of jobs don’t actually requires them to go all the way to get a degree?

Lastly, I look at what the university has got to offer me in these 4 years aside from the knowledge required for psychology. There are many internships and exchange programmes that I am actually really looking forwards to. Not to mention, the huge variety of activities lined up for the students and my favourite overseas community service. The type of interaction and friendships that I forge here is probably something that is going to make this journey  so uniquely special for me.

While I can never truly be convinced given the skeptical and insecure characteristic of mine, I will always keep in mind what Steve Jobs has once said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Taking a lept of faith and putting in my best in all the I do is the best way to prepare myself, for now. I don’t exactly believe in luck or letting fate decide everything, but rather I believe in hard work and having the  right attitude, right value, that will determine the future me.

All the best to myself and while this post ends here, I am pretty sure that I will continue doubting myself and as I do so, I will seize all the opportunity here in the University to prove to myself that my experience and my degree will be worth it.