Woah I have been procrastinating for so long before doing uo this post x_x
2 March is the alevels result day. Words cant describe the anxiety and all the shit that is going through my mind hours before the results are released. I really thought I might just die of anxiety and from the overwhelming fear within me. The fear is just eating me up inside. I honestly have no idea as to what to expect since my grades for prelims was ESU/BE. Yea really bad. For that, i only get a rank point of 33? Lol which means that I can’t really get anywhere. I spent my morning lying down on my bed, singing sad song and crying at the same time. I took a nap, practice my piano before heading out to school.
I met up with my bestfriend as we head out to school together. We tried really hard to talk about anything but results, haha didn’t really work out. Both of us were too tense and freaked out. 😛 The bus ride seems much faster than usual (prolly due to my dread). The moment we reach the school, we were like ughgghfhghgjfjggjfjhh. It’s hard to accept the fact that our results, what we get to do in future, our fate and all has already been decided. For the past few days, I’ve been thinking of what I’ve done in my 2 years in JC. I didnt really work as hard as I used to in Secondary. And for that fact, I totally regret not giving my best shot for most of my papers. Yea, and I’m trying really hard to convince myself to accept whatever that is coming to me in a few minutes time.
The moment we entered the school, it’s already bustling with noise. Yea, everyone is just busy catching with each other. It wasn’t all that scary. It feels pretty weird to see all my schoolmates in their home clothes ah. Haha maybe its just me /: Everything in AJ seems so familiar yet unfamiliar. Everyone looks the same but it feels different? Ya I am really sensitive.
I proceeded on to the hall -> alumni talk -> principal talk -> top students -> getting my own results. I wasn’t too sure of what to expect. All my friends look so calm collecting the results and you honestly can’t tell how they fare by just looking at their faces. The teachers look so calm too. It feels as though they have been giving out results for so many years and they don’t really care anymore. One of my closer friend came to me with her results as I was still queuing up, it wasn’t as bad as our prelims but it wasn’t fantastic either. I took her results to gauge mine. 😛 She got an E for GP and honestly at that moment, I wasnt expecting a pass.
When my turn came, I felt really calm. Everything felt so drama?!. I collected my result slip without looking at it and slowly walked away. Haha, i only know that my teachers dont look very pleased as they hand over my results to me. Neither did they say anything. After i exit the hall, I flip over my results slip to finally see what my grades look like ya and my friends starts crowding around me /: I took some time to scan through and digest the results I’ve got. It wasn’t good. But i felt reallllllly relievedddddd and happy cos i didn’t fail my GP. lol. I got a D for GP. It shouldnt be this case for an Arts student. Despite knowimg that i dont meet the basic requirement for all the Arts courses, i still feel so happy. Something is indeed wrong with me. Oh andandand! I got a B for my chinese Literature. I am sososos thankful for that.
At that point in time, after i got to know my results, part of me is dying to know how my other friends from other schools did. Ya I am super kpo. I proceeded on to discuss with my friend on the different courses and their requirement and apparently, we are mostly the 10th percentile. This is really bad ah. X_X i dont think i can qualify for any courses. Yup then back home w my best friend.
I got to know the results of my other sec classmates. Though they got into JCs with higher cut off points, they still fare better than me. I am happy for them and a little upset as i did not do as well.
Overall I am still grateful and thankful for everything. I kind of enjoyed my two years in JC. Though it wasn’t all that smooth sailing, I have got to make many friends, i felt like i learnt a lot. I grew stronger as a person. I studied hard (but not enough). I have met dedicated teachers amd they really taught us so much. So much more than what I have learnt in my 4 years in Secondary and all. JC education seriously provide the rigour of education and It has made me understand the world around me better. Economics, geog and GP especially. Also, there are many times where i felt really down and no one is there for me, but I didnt gave up. I have never studied so much in my entire life and I will never forget the times I have spent in AJ lib and AMK lib. Haha i really mug and sleep a lot in this 2 years. Once again, i am really thankful to my teachers esp Chinese literature. And though AJ wasn’t my first or second choice, I am just glad I got in here, gave everything my best and now that my journey here has officially ended, I am proud to say I am from AJ and everything I have done is worth it.
Hopefully i can get into the course i want in Uni and I cant wait for the beginning of another new journey! 🙂