Insomnia

The thought of Alevels result just scares me so much that i could barely get a wink. Ughh. It has been a less than a month since Alevels but its still haunting me every now and then. I guess this is the price i pay for not studying hard enough and giving my best – Regrets.

I know that there’s no point of me regretting right now but i just can’t help it? My results are already very bad from the start and I’ve no idea what to pray to. Bellcurve? Nah. I can’t imagine what bellcurve is gna do to my CLL results. I bet I could barely pass. GP is really still haunting me everyday uhhh. I left some questions blank and yaaa, the urge to go back in time is killing me inside. How can I ever pass my GP? And this leads me to another horrifying thought of doing my Year 2 again.

The thought of fitting into my old school uniform just sends shiver down my spine. I really don’t wish to ever stay for another year in that school. I have to admit that I really love the Teachers and staff there but, just no. The whole competitive and muggish environment is just enough for me to suffocate, so no. Having to deal with your own stress is stressful enough and having to stay for another year means that you have to make new friends again. Goshhh, hell noooo. Blame it on myself for not giving my best.

While scrolling through FB just now, i happen to come across a FB friend of mine who retain for Year 2 and we just happen to come from the same Sec school. Coincidence or what? Haha I’m getting my paranoid self even more paranoid. Geee. If I’m not wrong, she retained because of failing her GP. Ughhh this is so scary. And out of curiosity i just went to scroll through her FB page. (Okay, i admit it. I’m quite a stalker :P) One of her pict she took has the word ‘Ohana’ written on it with the names of all her close friends; and Ohana means nobody gets left behind. This is super scary isn’t it? Ultimately someone has got to be left behind. I wonder if she feels hurt everytime to have to go back and look at these pictures. If it was me, i would. It’s gonna hurt so bad and I’m gonna be like ‘why godddd why meeeee’. (Yes, I’m super whinny)

Arghhh the need and want to get out of the school and that environment is just so baddd. I know I sound evil right now but I honestly hope and pray that pleaseeeeepleasepleaseplease dont let me be the one left behind. I can’t. I am dying to roll on the large patch of grass in NTU. I am dying to roam around the large, spacious library in NUS. Pleaseeee.

I feel a little drunk with a little sadness and regrets flooding in. Haiz. Time for bed.