It’s late into the night and here I am, again, scrolling through those chats that we once share. I like how those chats really (literally) preserved every single memories we once shared. No matter how many times i re-read them, i dont get tired of it. It has been around 2 years now. I don’t wish to sound super pathetic, but here I am still trying to put the past behind me..
Exams just ended and yay this is the start of my holiday! Start of a 4 months holiday before nightmare begins. I am really still very worried bout my results though. Was secretly hoping that i don’t ever receive my result slip. Ok but whatever for now. Shall cast all these neg thoughts aside and really spend my hols well. Some things that i must really get done:
-My braces yay finally
-To learn hangul
-To practice my piano and guitar
-To get a job
-To commit to at least one community service a week
-To meet up with old friends
-To visit another country (hopefully)
-To quit facebook and twitter
-To workout! Yes i must i can i definitely have to.
Really have plenty of time now and i honestly dont know what to begin with. It has been 3 days since hols begin but I’m still stuck in the after exams mood. Those fear, blank face, walk around the house not knowing what to do, dreamt of revising for alevels… All sorts of weird stuff.
Really wna get started off with CIP first. Feeling rather dull and moody these days. BooooooooOoooOoooo.
Honestly can’t help but wonder where will i be in 2 years time. Everything right in front just seems so dull for now.
刚刚考完 A 水准。 起初是真的很开心。真的真的很开心。但那种开心兴奋非常短暂。像焰火一样, 那种兴奋以下就熄灭了。不知怎么的。。。
我尝试说服我自己, 考试已经完了, 我所盼望的那一天终于到来了,但是怎么也提不起精神。感觉也没什么,反而像木头人。尝试说服自己说自己很开心更累。。或许是因为没有付出什么努力, 最后, 感受不到自己因而会有收获的感觉吧, 或许又是害怕面对成绩出炉的那一天, 或许是因为刚考完式所以不知所措, 或许是因为读书读得失去了方向,迷失了自己吧, 或许或许。。现在的感觉的确是轻松,但也觉得空虚。好像已经完成了人身所有事。
看见其他人开心, 和自己的好友约会,为假期安排游玩,心里实在是有点酸酸的。我也有朋友,但他们却都好想不闻不问的。好吧。随便吧。有些事情就是随着时间慢慢淡忘的,不是吗? 大家在这两年分开,真的变了很多。好像变成了木头人。原以为坚定的友情能战胜时间的挑战,但我错了。两年不说话只会使友情被淡忘,朋友被遗忘吧。
This is my second last paper. Geooo ahhhh. Damn scary. No confidence for this paper T..T Have yet to finish revisng. Godblessme. By whatever means i have to finish this today!
Somehow, i just feel like there’s a void in my heart. An empty space left there. I guess it’s left there for about 2 years by now and it’s still bothering me. I wonder if it’s just me or do these people who left those void in my heart feel the same. Hmmm…
It has been 2 years since secondary school graduation. It was during those times where i forge the best relationships and create the best memories. Those people who brought a smile to my face were gone. All of a sudden. Not all but most. Somehow, i thought that this empty space would be filled up once again after going to JC. But apparently, it didn’t. This empty space just keeps on expanding…
Maybe i am becoming more and more greedy and less satisfied with life that’s why. In order to fill up the void, i guess i would really have to create stronger ties and relationship.. But somehow, once again, i don’t feel like it’s going to fill up the void entirely.
This has really made me feel grumpy, greedy and really distracted these days. Really have to redefine my life after A levels. Hopefully everything goes well for the remaining papers and off i go in search of a better and happier me. :l
Well, econs paper just ended. Feeling really sleepy right now. I am so tired of constantly chasing after time. It’s so tiring. The paper was hard and time was tight. I was panicking almost throughout the paper. Well, i know this is not my best. Really not my best. Have to and i M.U.S.T do better for the second paper to really save my own ass. Nobody wants to be left behind. No one. Everyone suddenly seems so intimidating right after my econs paper. All it takes is one paper to make me loss my confidence. My confidence level really…
How hard it is to try to believe in yourself
and the next moment your faith your beliefs all the well wishes everything just comes tumbling down on you again
How hard it is to try
it just didnt work,
only to make you feel weaker
and helpless all over.
…I’ve got so tired i stopped finding out the truth. Hopefully Alevels end soon. My brain my body cannot take this anymore. Sleep.
Tomorrow is the start of another hectic week. Really dreaded the whole of this month and i honestly have no idea how I’m gna get through all the exams and all. It’a Chinese Lit tmr. I have only passed my chinese lit for once in my whole entire life. I feel so screwed right now. So depressing… Darkcloudsallovermyheadandiamsfreakingtirednowtoevenputspacebarsarghh
This is so nervewrecking AHHHH imdyinginside.