Let the holiday begins

Exams just ended and yay this is the start of my holiday! Start of a 4 months holiday before nightmare begins. I am really still very worried bout my results though.  Was secretly hoping that i don’t ever receive my result slip. Ok but whatever for now. Shall cast all these neg thoughts aside and really spend my hols well. Some things that i must really get done:
-My braces yay finally
-To learn hangul
-To practice my piano and guitar
-To get a job
-To commit to at least one  community service a week
-To meet up with old friends
-To visit another country (hopefully)
-To quit facebook and twitter
-To workout! Yes i must i can i definitely have to.
Really have plenty of time now and i honestly dont know what to begin with. It has been 3 days since hols begin but I’m still stuck in the after exams mood. Those fear, blank face, walk around the house not knowing what to do, dreamt of revising for alevels… All sorts of weird stuff.

Really wna get started off with CIP first. Feeling rather dull and moody these days. BooooooooOoooOoooo.

Honestly can’t help but wonder where will i be in 2 years time. Everything right in front just seems so dull for now.



刚刚考完 A 水准。 起初是真的很开心。真的真的很开心。但那种开心兴奋非常短暂。像焰火一样, 那种兴奋以下就熄灭了。不知怎么的。。。

我尝试说服我自己, 考试已经完了, 我所盼望的那一天终于到来了,但是怎么也提不起精神。感觉也没什么,反而像木头人。尝试说服自己说自己很开心更累。。或许是因为没有付出什么努力, 最后, 感受不到自己因而会有收获的感觉吧, 或许又是害怕面对成绩出炉的那一天, 或许是因为刚考完式所以不知所措, 或许是因为读书读得失去了方向,迷失了自己吧, 或许或许。。现在的感觉的确是轻松,但也觉得空虚。好像已经完成了人身所有事。

看见其他人开心, 和自己的好友约会,为假期安排游玩,心里实在是有点酸酸的。我也有朋友,但他们却都好想不闻不问的。好吧。随便吧。有些事情就是随着时间慢慢淡忘的,不是吗? 大家在这两年分开,真的变了很多。好像变成了木头人。原以为坚定的友情能战胜时间的挑战,但我错了。两年不说话只会使友情被淡忘,朋友被遗忘吧。



Well, econs paper just ended. Feeling really sleepy right now. I am so tired of constantly chasing after time. It’s so tiring. The paper was hard and time was tight. I was panicking almost throughout the paper. Well, i know this is not my best. Really not my best. Have to and i M.U.S.T do better for the second paper to really save my own ass. Nobody wants to be left behind. No one. Everyone suddenly seems so intimidating right after my econs paper. All it takes is one paper to make me loss my confidence. My confidence level really…

How hard it is to try to believe in yourself
and the next moment your faith your beliefs all the well wishes everything just comes tumbling down on you again

How hard it is to try
again ,but
it just didnt work,
only to make you feel weaker
and helpless all over.


…I’ve got so tired i stopped finding out the truth. Hopefully Alevels end soon. My brain my body cannot take this anymore. Sleep. 

It’s tomorrow

Tomorrow is the start of another hectic week. Really dreaded the whole of this month and i honestly have no idea how I’m gna get through all the exams and all. It’a Chinese Lit tmr. I have only passed my chinese lit for once in my whole entire life. I feel so screwed right now. So depressing… Darkcloudsallovermyheadandiamsfreakingtirednowtoevenputspacebarsarghh

This is so nervewrecking AHHHH imdyinginside.

Day 1

I know it’s super childish of me to be ranting like a little kid right now, but i just need a place where i can just vent.

Just ended my GP paper. Paper 1 was ok, i assume. I think Paper 2 will really be the deciding factor as to whether i will be doing my A’s again. Its sooo hardsdddjdjsnfjdjejsjfjfjd. Whyyyyy. I really don’t want to disappoint anyone, especially myself. Since J2, i have never been good at GP.

It’s something i can never manage. Even up till today. I am sure I’m gna fail this paper. I am very sure.

Can i not repeat..??

This is so distressing to actually start off my A’s with GP. So restless and whinny rn.

Moderation is not going to help. I am very sure of that.

It’s really not about paper chasing but because i really hope to achieve what i want to be. Psychology course requires at least a decent grade for GP. If i can’t even get into what i want, how do i even start. Maybe psychology is not for me? Yes?
I don’t want to think that way. I want it really badly.

I guess i just have to wait for the results to be released. In any case, if i really were to fail (likely) i hope i come back to this post, don’t cry and move on. Console yourself by telling yourself that: It’s not about how fast you get there, it’s not about how the others are gonna judge you for failing your gp and retaking it, it’s about how you are slowlyslowly moving towards your dreams.