Be that candle that burns

Just had a study date with two of my very good friends. It has been a year since we last met. Honestly speaking, i was really excited to see them again, the both of them. Like really. The night before this study date, I was super excited that i only slept at around 2am. I miss those times where we get to hang out the whole day, do some retarded act, play pranks… I really miss those time. But i guess it will never be the same again after today.

I met up with my closest friend first as we made out way together to some study corner. I feels really good to get to see my BFF again. As usual, we gossip, complain about the little things in life, it really feels like nothing changed at all. When we reach the study corner, we chose a square looking table as we sat down to continue talking about our life. Everything was fine. It feels like the same. Soon after, my second friend joined in.

We did some work till lunchtime. During lunchtime, we started talking about our respective lives in JC. Upon hearing how he lead a better life now , how he got to go for overseas trip and how he met his pretty classmate makes me feel a little bit sour. Yes i know, i sound like a little girl who is super jealous. But why is it that my JC life is so different? It’s my choice to be in that school, I’m trying to adapt to the environment. Yes, I have been trying so damn freaking hard. I am not someone who just talk and does nothing. I really tried adjusting myself to the environment and people there. Over in school, i made 2 new friends. I dont really know if i will regret but ya It’s my choice once again. After coming to JC, it really felt as though i have never smiled for decades. I can’t smile anymore. I don’t know. Can someone or anyone tell me just how do i survive in a place filled with negativity? How can I be happy again? It used to be so simple yet I’m finding it so hard now.

Yea, so one of my friend kinda know the academic stress I’m facing and I’m really glad he tried to comfort me by telling me that “aiyah, its ok to fail alevel one la, i mean, you still have a long way to go. Alevel don’t determine everything”. It’s suppose to make me feel better. But it didnt. What came to my mind was, “of course you would have said somrthing like that because you have never failed in any subjects in your entire JC life”. He tried to further console by saying, ” Anyw your JC has always been setting papers which are hard ma, so its normal to be failing”. And obviously this didn’t work.

It seems like the last few candles that I’m holding onto are burning out. It seems like they don’t really care, they don’t really know what I am trying to say all this while. I am burning out too. It’s so exhausting to be living in a world where no one understands.

I guess i will have to hide myself back into a confine area and slowly re-learn how to be a candle so that I can light up my own life.

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人生

今天到医院探望了从小就照顾我的阿麽。听说她的了肺癌,已经是第四期了。。。

起初听到这消息时,我整个人是真的吓到了。前几个月前去看她,她人还好好的,没想到那么突然就倒下。可能是因为我从不关心她吧。。所以直到现在才知道。想想,我真的很希望能早点知道, 因为我还有很多话没说,我还有很多事没问。

到了医院,我真的真的吓倒了。我直到那瞬间才发现她真的老了。她的身子简直瘦骨如柴,连话也说不出。我们想说的话,我想最终都没能说出。。

阿麽看见我们一家,只见她的嘴唇在颤颤的动着,但始终说不出话。从她的双眼,她仿佛有许多话要说,却已经来不及了。。当时,她眼睛表现出的激动也不是我用三言两语所能形容的。这画面持续了好一阵子。我想,大家当时的心情都差不多吧。毕竟是把我们抚养长大的阿麽。。。

自从我们小学毕业以后,就没有住阿麽家了。因此,我们从此也很少见面。还记得小时候,我们这群小鬼总是会弄她老人家生气,我还真的蛮怀念的。我宁可她如往常一样骂我们,打我们,我也不想看见她倒下。。。

这时候,站在病床前的我,真的很想哭,很惭愧,但我又能说什么呢? 阿麽双眼看着站在她面前的小瓜,不禁流下了眼泪。我想她当时的感触应该很多。这时的我实在抑制不了自己的情绪。平时,到她老人家的家,她都不怎么和我们说话,我们也不曾去慰问她老人家的事,但如今。。。

我永远不会忘记那一幕。我想如果可以,大家都会想要穿越时空,回到还可以挽回一切,说完想要说的话的那个时候吧。

人生是如此的短暂,常听人说要把握当下,珍惜和家人的时光,虽然不容易做到,但我会加油。因为,我真的不想要有多一个遗憾。。。

*我会好好的把您埋藏在我的心里。。

Human disaster

Very often than not, Mankind are aware of the different types of hazards they are exposed to in the place they work, live and play in. However, there has been an increasing trend of lives loss due to the neglect of safety measures by Mankind. When safety measures are compromised, coupled with erratic climatic conditions and many other factors, the impact of any disaster is sure to multiply itself. I strongly believe that with more attention and resources given to abide by the safety measures, lives loss would have been greatly reduced.

From the recent tragedy of the Sewol and Bangladesh ferry sinking, it can be seen how the need to maximise profit has actually override the need to ensure the safety of users. In the case of Sewol ferry sinking, the lax regulatory and maintenance of the ferry is known to be one of the cause. In addition to the Captain’s and some of its crew members incompetency in the evacuation measures, it has led to 294 lives loss with another 10 people missing.

Similarly, in the case of Bangladesh ferry sinking with 200 on board, overcrowding, poor ship design and maintenance are often often to blame for this tragedy. Though the main reason is due to the rough conditions of the weather, perhaps, if more attention were paid to implement more safety measures, more lives could have been saved.

In the case of natural disaster such as Earthquake, if housings were made of more durable material and contractors were to abide by the building codes, not only would it be safer for the residents, the eventual response measures would have been easier to carried out.

With more and more tragedies to come, (Hopefully) one day, Mankind will come to realise the importance of the safety codes and the dangers they are building in for themselve.

‘_’

Well, i just had my Geo test. The paper was manageable, do-able, passable… But I didn’t manage my time well. So ohwell, there goes my pass. Not really hopeful but will do my best for the next paper. Weee.

Okay let me write about something else for now. I am forever curious about others’ live so whenever I’m free, i will just go ahead and read their blog post etcetc. It kinda hurts to see how behind those smiles you see everyday are actually underlain with tears and pain. I don’t know.

Life is like a game to me. It’s not easy for anyone. It’s not. However, some people just happen to be in a game of higher level of difficulty. Whenever i read their blog post, it makes my stress from schoolwork etcetc seems insignificant? I don’t know. I feel for them more than i feel for myself. Gosh i am so weird. Zzzz. I feel like giving them a pat on their shoulder or try to talk to them? Even though i have yet to settle my own problems. I just hope for everyone to be happy and free. I mean, its tiring to put on a mask to hid your pain isn’t it. Be honest. Be brave. In my opinion, being brave isn’t being fearless about how others judge you? But how you face your true self at the end of the day. (Wah deeep. HAHAHA. I feel like I’m talking to myself right now. Huhu)

In any case, whatever it takes, i really have to make my way towards my dream so that i can help more people achieve theirs. Super ambitious i know, but its super achievable to. In the meantime, i will have to pass my Geo Prelims first ….